Men, God and Godmen

It was the morning after the Mahashivaratri and I was buying milk from the local shop. As I was having a chat with the shopkeeper over what milk I would like to buy, a healthy man in his late 20s intervened with his authoritative voice.

The man, rather Godman, was clad in red clothes below waist, naked top half, undone hair which loudly said I have never heard of water, a plastic snake (must be biodegradable as it had holes and cracks), a metal pot popularly called ‘kamandal’, and a wooden stick of some abstract shape. This was what that man looked like.

It was certain that he was trying to achieve something supernatural.

I started thinking which God he resembles. I scanned my memory to deduce that none of the Hindu Gods barring Brahma and, may be, Yamaraj had moustache so he must be trying to be them.

But the plastic snake made me think of Shiva. Yes, he was trying to look like Shiva.

He asked for some money which the shopkeeper promptly refused. Nobody has a fear of God nowadays!

The godman relented and struck a bargain, “ek cigarette hi de do. Subeh subeh sant ko lautana nahi chahiye…” (c’mon, give me a cigarette at least. One must not say no to a saint in the morning.)

I bet he would have said the same even if it was evening. The shopkeeper gave him a small Goldflake and he started moving. And there was a young man who was enjoying the scene and giggled.

The godman started murmuring, “jo sant par haste hain unka kabhi bhala nahi hota.” (The one who laughs on saints meets nothing good in his life)

That young man would have worried had it been the Mahabharata times when the saints, allegedly, had powers to do things and cast spells. But that was not to be.

Here I was, thinking on the audacity of a human being who is challenging the God himself by trying to be like them and threatening people of good and bad days.

That man would do great if he returned to his native village and does something useful and earn money rather than threatening others with his horse-fart like words.

The Sanatan or popularly known Hindu religion is the leader in this. Not only the person who is attempting to appear like God is a fool, seldom knowing that whether or not God existed or what He looked like, the people who submissively admit to him and start to seek blessings are morons of equal degree.

And what baffles me more that these lunatics have degraded the God to a mere 50 buck costume and some bells. It’s good for them that Hinduism doesn’t have any law on the lines of blasphemy law else they would have been awarded death sentences.

But if we look at the other side, these godmen are very ambitious. They are not interested in the 8 lakh per annum package and becoming CEOs, rather they aim for the ultimate and get that, at least in appearance!

It’s mortal man’s uncanny desire to aim for nothing less than the ultimate that exists or is believed to exist. Or is it that these guys think that they are the 10th incarnation of Vishnu which is pending in Kaliyuga.

May be, that eventual incarnation got entangled in Indian sarkari files which even God can’t bypass.

Then, I think of the poor God who is ridiculed this way and can’t do anything about it. He must be really pissed off that his followers didnot enact blasphemy type law.

He must be annoyed on himself of not throwing a holy book from the heavens for the morons here so that they can have something like that to stop making fun of Him.

And what a great time would Allah be having LoL at the expense of Hindu Gods if they ever happen to meet!

If these godmen have some divine connections, as their devotees believe, do they or the God get TB because of smoking so heavily. Or is it that because of heavy smoking the God already got TB and is dead. And that’s why He is no more coming to save his folks from tsunamis, earth quakes, floods, aeroplanes(9-11) etc.

And most of the time it’s the ‘ganja’ or marijuana that is being smoked. They claim that it leads to the God right after two deeply inhaled puffs.

No other philosophy or subject attracted foreigners to India and Hinduism than the Ganja. The moment they see the godmen smoking ganja freely (as it is illegal almost everywhere) and talking Geeta and speaking of stark similarities between Quran, Geeta and Bible, they fall at their feet thinking it’s the weed that does the miracle!

Ganja and the Ganga (also known as the Ganges) are the two inseparable ingredients of Hinduism. These two, mostly the first one, had helped India in amassing unprecedented forex. (And you were wondering about the great GDP!)

Godmen remind you that you don’t need to work to get what you want because there are lakhs of morons to provide for you. You just have to remember some catch phrases which should have pure Hindi words, if you know some Sanskrit words, nothing better than that because everyone is scared of it.

Just ask for money and if they refuse, either curse them or make them realise that everything is futile and to ascertain their berth on the train to heaven they need to respect the saints. The society which does not care about sadhoos is doomed to crumble. Even saying that when the next earth quake hits (yes, what’s with earthquakes, everyday it’s in news!) it will be his/her house which will be damaged, will do the trick.

Fear psychosis is at play here. People are not ready to take risk. They know that the existence of God is debatable but it has some 50% chances of existence, if not 100. What if God existed and this chap is right (abusing the godman in their hearts)? What if he has a mole on his tongue? Can I see his tongue! May be he is right. Let’s give him something and hear something pleasant and let him go away from here fast. My kids are asking who is he? And I am not sure what to tell, god or man! Only if I could see his tongue…

And I have seen some who will show there theatrical skills in your courtyard. My father is a very religious man. He reads at least three separate holy books everyday and spends three-four hours every Tuesday reading the Sundar Kand from Ram Charit Manas. Don’t assess my father on my blogs.

He has a habit of dragging every sadhoo he sees on the road to our home and my poor mother will take out some wheat, maize or even flour to give to the godman. And the chap will suddenly get angry.

His brows will become the Gandeev of Arjuna and eyes red with anger and his voice full of bass, “mata, ye to hamara apmaan hai. Hum koi aise waise sadhoo nahi hain. Hum Kailash parvat se seedhe aa rahe hain.” (Mother, this small offering is an insult. Don’t take me for any Sadhoo. I am coming straight from the Mount Kailash (Lord Shiva’s home. Gods don’t prefer AC. CFC you know.))

My poor mother will get confused and then my father will say to being some more. When my mother returns with more offering he will change his expressions and start giving blessings that your son will become this and that, not realising that her son is trying to become something radically different than what he imagines.

The godmen are quite mercurial outside but equally flat inside. I think they are quite intelligent and should try in films. They have very sharp body and are very romantic as well. (I have been hearing that girls keep running away with them every now and then. True story.)

They will convince you that all other babas or sadhoos are ‘pakhandi’ or show-off and he is the real one who has returned from Kailash and has done ‘tapasya’ to get powers.

And if you try to be smart and ask him which direction Mount Kailash is, he will turn angry and say, “Khabardaar, baba se sawal karta hai moorkh. Baba sab jaante hain.” (you idiot, how dare you ask questions from me. I know everything.) But he will not answer you.

And there will be three college girls who will wonder isn’t Mount Kailash a mineral water brand? Why is he asking the direction of a mineral water bottle? He is a moron, they will conclude. May be go beyond thinking all boys are nuts! And they will pity you for your idiotic question and baba for his undone hair and unhygienic clothes and walk towards the rikshaw before you start wondering why did she give that look of pity.


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