Look serious, March is coming

A survey reveals that the productivity of corporates increases from mid-February to March as opposed to other months.

The same survey also tells that the behaviour of individuals in front of their computers in their offices also changes drastically in the above quoted span. It adds a note that psychologists disagree that human behaviour can change in a certain month but the CCTV footage shows so.

The study further elaborates that working hours of individuals start increasing from 15 minutes from around 15 February and it goes beyond 1 to 2 hours as March approaches.

Other miscellaneous activities like talking less, consuming less coffee, going for smoke less frequently and keeping a tab on what to speak and how much to speak were also found out.

It was found that people got weirdly sweet to their colleagues and sweeter to the bosses and abused them less frequently and only if they felt a necessity to do so.

One notable finding of the survey was that the toilet cleaners were very happy and the organisation saved a lot of water. The reason, when asked to the cleaners, was that people preferred to ‘hold’ so that they are more ‘visible’ in the office.

Cleaners also suggested, however just an assumption, that employees many a times come to toilet for doing nothing. They just stand before mirrors and leave. At times they were also found swearing at someone.

However, it was found that there were a few individuals in all the corporate work spaces who were unfazed by this ‘time span’ and were at their abusive best. Their work style or hours neither increased nor decreased. They remained true to their characters and showed no change of behaviour. Psychologist were very happy about this. But yes, they abused more frequently during these times and made fun of others.

These ‘few’ employees still engaged in loud discussions and were found to be pretty vocal and were sure that nothing is going to change. The survey could not reveal what they meant by ‘nothing’.

The survey guys took pains to record various anatomical and biological conditions of the ‘hard working’ employees and found that if two ‘hard working’ employees were present and visible to each other the blood pressure of both would go high.

The tip of the fingers of all such individuals got sore each day and the key boards were found to be writing mails on their own to IT department to get them changed. Key boards were unable to speak anything due to excessive hard hitting.

CCTV showed one of the unbelievable phenomena related to the computers. The computers of ‘hard working’ individuals had acquired artificial intelligence and would write codes or do editing tasks by themselves and quite efficiently.

The US has asked one sample of such computer and asked the Indian government to send one of those ‘hard working’ individuals to them for the good of humanity.

Girls, who would otherwise indulge in all sorts of giggling and fooling around, were found to be getting more serious and taking initiatives. Needless to say bosses were found to be happy.

In all the organisations surveyed, it was found that pseudo-bosses ( the ones who were not but assumed themselves to be so) who would laugh only on Friday evenings (Saturdays in case of 6-day week) had ran out of their weekly laughing/smiling energy and were found working very late with serious face.

IT guys said that group mails became more common during the aforesaid span. When asked about the nature of content of such mails one of them, on promise of anonymity, said that those mails contained complaints from ‘hard working’ people about other ‘hard working’ people.

Overall, the survey concluded that during this time the psychological and biological behaviour of certain individuals swung to extremes and people happily ignored their dedicated lunch hours and worked longer than usual.

When asked about any kind of change they observed and the reason behind it, the local chaiwala (tea vendor) said, “ye to har saal ka chakkar hai sahab. Pata nahi log ajeeb tarah se behave kartey hain. Bolte kam hain, chai peene kam aate hain aur maa-bahan ki gaali bhi kam dete hain. March me aisa hota hai. Har saal hota hai.” (Sir, this happens every year during this time. I don’t know why people start behaving weird at this point of time! They speak less, come less frequently to tea stall and seldom they use abusive language. It happens in March. Every single year it’s the same story.)

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